Just so you know.

For starters, Matt Records is a cry-baby...("shit head that spends as much time licking his ::: pussy as he does crying" preached tony)

and he eats wahburgers and french cries.

but his mom is really nice.

WINTER tour almost didn't happen but this is what happen

As we left Tehachapi the majority of us got high as fuck.
We got to Chris p tired's house most of us drank allot us light weights passed out
woke up took a shower with a bottle of beer
drove a van buzzed
went to a dumb ass house show
the rest is a blur parting so fucking hard in reno
THE END

heres what really happened.
so let me tell you a day and you type out what you think about it.

december 27 2008

-we took hours leaving town and practicing the fuck up in the ass.
-we had a show at a house in concord california at 10pm. we dont gives a fuck so we showed up at 12am the next day. each of us with two 40z and ready to fight. "give me two 40z and ill fight any one"
-we played and had pizza and we were very nice to every one at the show and we thanked them for having us and letting us play our great jams
-i almost saw two people doing it too.
-joe did some jaenkum.
- a couple of scene chicks invited all 12 of us back to there pad where we drank all there booze and ate all of there hot pockets and we put our penises in there hot pockets. then we went beddy bye.

december 28 2008

-in the morning we had some serious bang overs (from having to much sex the night before) so we took it easy on the pussy for a spell.
- as soon as we felt better we went to taco bell for some mexican eat'n. bernie bought mat a fat ass 7 layer, he showed bernie no thanks and laughed in his face and ate half of elliotts chicken nacho supreme then downed some poor strangers moutian dew.
- after that we went to san Fransisco. there we had some rice a ronie and we met lots of faggots and fucked them while mat was window shopping.
- strike to survive gave us some root beers.
- bernie saw some lovers and threw his kleet at them.
- we did schrooms, and rolled around hippie hill.
- we littered and some one( a faggot no doubt) said "hope you feel good about your self" (we did)
- then we played a show in Sacramento.
- after the show we drove to reno and tim got a righteous ass kicking by kyle. and we shit on him. then after just to confuse him, we told him we love him and that we where very sorry. ( we really dont feel bad about it. we hate tim)
- then we went to gina town and looked at a corna-cockeia of wang bones. long ones shorts ones grande baby, one minute two minute no way baby.(what you doing baby "selling weed")
-then we got kicked out of the gina house cuz we all have dicks and the girls there got tired of us showing them our throbbing members. i think they where all muff divers.
-then we went to a place called the brown eye ball and we poked our brown eyes all through the night and had butt sex.
- In between that butt sex elliott, will, and tim deciced to go to bed early (3a.m.). They went to a safe sleep in the van. Mean while, Lunchbox was parked in the same parkinglot with some random slut fingering her. He soon stopped in mid fingering because he realized the hell van was parked in that same parking lot. Lunch box licked up all the goods off his finger and bid that slut a due and ran into the house with open arms to greet bernie and the gang with open arms, then he disappeared for a minute just to return with a double morder (for you people that dont know what that is its a firework that will send the hell van back to where it came from) he said "HEy lets light this shit" before anyone could answer he threw it into the van fuse lit not knowing about three poor souls sleeping happily dreaming of a land made of rainbows and surger plums.
The sillowents of the three jumping around and screaming between flashes of color and smoke still haunt me till this day.
AFter the two explosions echoed through our ears and the laughter died down there was no signs of movement in the van for a couple of minutes. Worried that someone might be dead or seriously injured we opened the slide door, greeted with nothing but smoke and the coughs of lungs filled with solfur.

december 29 2008

- still with gay sex on there minds and boners in there pants joe and bernie where way to excited to sleep a wink. so they did the double dutch rudder. after this they painted peoples asses and kicks. we where going to paint on mats sleeping bag but he was on the rag and we figured since he forgot to but on his pad, the blood from his pussy would be bad enough.
- we walked around reno and ate a big ass burger and a casino. and had more gay sex. while at the casino.
-umm lets see. what did we do?
- joe cussed at mat during practice.
- then sat around at the brown eye ball
-then we fuck the show up
- then we played the show.
- joe fucked some one up with his guitar, by doing so he broke it.
- we where interview by oprah
Whats your name? What band are you in? and what do you do in the band?

Uh Kyle Winchester, Anxiety Attack and i play guitar.

Im Bernie, im in Anxiety Attack and im the voice.

(giggles) we can cus right?

Is that a serious question?

(Giggles) im Joe motherfucking morgan, (giggles) Anxiety motherfucking Attack (more giggles) and i play lead motherfucking guitar.

You dont sound too confident?

(more giggling) and I get the chicks.....(continues giggling)

Anyone else?

Im Eliot Attack from Anxiety Attack, i play bass.

You were born with the last name Attack?

No my last name is marroquin or some dumb shit.

You guys have been band how long?

Joe- At least two and a half years.

Why the name Anxiety Attack?

Kyle- Trouble was taken.

Bernie- Yea were The Trouble but that was already taken.

What do you write lyrics about?

Eliot- About my life, Im pretty angry.

What makes you angry?

Probably my step dad... beatings and shit like that.

Alright man, you guys are in Reno and youre on tour right now; whats in the future for Anxiety Attack?

Eliot- Probably a new drummer because we are pretty sure our drummer quit. And were gonna put out a seven inch by ourselves.

Kyle- By ourselves were gonna drop that fucker Distance.

So what label are you with right now?

Eliot- (laughs) Some fucking label called Distant records that doesent do anything.

So why you wanna drop it?

Eliot- (laughs) becuase he doesent do anything.

Bernie- Because he goes on tour and whines all the time.

Kyle- It means he can bitch about our myspace or some shit.

Bernie- And he misses his girlfriend... he wants to go home.

Joe- He makes our myspace look like Terror's myspace.

How do you guys feel about the Eyeball?

Bernie- The Eyeball rules!

Kyle- I can light fireworks at four in the morning and no one says anything!

Eliot- Yea this is our second time here. It seems like when you walk in you might catch a disease or something.

Joe- I like getting fucked up and just stare at all the fucked up shit on the walls, and just trip out.

So what part of California are you guys from?

Eliot- Tehachapi, California

Any local bands from Tehachapi you guys would want people to check out?

Kyle-(laughs)

Joe- Ok (laughs) Sirens Of The Sea. Ha no im just kidding they suck.

Im gonna print that if you dont mind?

Kyle- They will never read it.

Joe- No we dont give a fuck.

Eliot- Cody Sweenie sucks balls(laughs)

Kyle- Write this in your zine, Everybody says Cody wienie sucks balls.

(all laugh)

Bernie- Cody Sweenie did not write the Warriors demo, Cuz thats what he says haha.

Kyle- but that is a band that came out of Tahachapi is the Warriors.

Haha alright, where is the furthest you guys have been?

All- Canada.

You guys tryin to get on any fests?

Kyle- Rainfest, Sound And Fury...

Joe- Haha we want to at least play Chain Reaction fucking once.

Bernie- (laughs) yea

Joe- That would start the fucking steady climb towards fuckin fests.

What are some bands that influence you?

Eliot- The Doors.

Really? haha.. that sucks.

Joe- I would have to say Terror and Hatebreed, haha i dont give a fuck.

Kyle- American Nightmare, Go it Alone.

Bernie- No Warning.

Kyle- No Warning before they toured with Sum 41 and became Sum 41.

Haha did you guys know the singer of No Warning was a child actor?

Bernie- Really? what did he play in?

Uh im not sure, Ive just heard that.

Any Of the members been laid on tour?

Kyle- Tim. Time had sex with Mona "the mono infested manatee", I filmed it.

Joe- I watched it. Well Tim's not a member though...

Kyle- I had sex on tour once...

Eliot- With Arizona Mona... I headbutted a girl once.

Really?... Where was that at?

Eliot- At a show at Jerry's Pizza in Bakersfield. She got too close

Ok, So whens the next tour, where you guys going?

Eliot- Hopefully sprink break.

Bernie- Anywhere and everywhere.

Eliot- We might go with Sabertooth Zombie, if they're still down.

Alright, so any of you guys wanna buy me a 40?

Eliot- I have some change...

Can i have it?

Joe- Can i have it? (giggles)

Alright this interview is over. Thanks guys.

Kyle- Lets get a blunt and roll that shit up!

- mat wanted to go home cuz he missed his girlfriend. but he lied to us and said that his mom said that he had to go home or he would be ground for life. seeing though his lies and gayniss bernie called him a pussy and kept eating his hot fudge sunday on a monday. ( it really was a monday)
- we crashed at the eyeball and mat said that he could no longer hang so he decited he was going to take a plane home in the morning with all that record label money that he never has.
ps hell bent and amongst wolves want there merch back because they dont like mat neither.
- kyle lit mats face on fire while he slept in his cozy lime green sleeping bag that will never be seen again.
----BUT LITTLE DO ANY OF THOSE ASSHOLES KNOW THAT WERE SLEEPING IN THE EYE BALL I WAS PASSED THE FUCK OUT FROM A LONG NIGHT OF DRINKING SMOKING STRAIGHT WEST COASTING AND URIAH TRIED TO STILL MY BLANKET AND I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AND HE WAS LIKE IM SIIIIIIIIIIICK LIKE A LITTLE BITCH . THEN HE THREW UP AND I WAS LIKE YOU BETTER SWALLOW THAT OR I WILL KICK YOUR BUTT AND HE DID

december 30 2008

- some guy showed up with quarter pounder sack of weed. joints where passed out to all and friendship was shared.
- mat cryed, begged, bitched, and pleaded justin from sick and tired ( check em out) for a ride to the air port. justin was suckered into giving mat this ride by promises of gas money, punch, "the best bj the north side of ocean side has ever seen", and pie. justin being high as a jedi took what mat said at face value and was bamboozled and parted ways with mat at the air port, with no gas, no food and a boner still waiting for "the best bj the north side of ocean side has ever seen."
-we all got naked and took our first showers ever, at my man jameses house(from the farley overdose. check em out)
-after the shower bernie took a naked picture of uriah/edumond/ugly piece of shit/troll. from nightmare vision(check em out) taking a shit. text bernie if you want to see the picture because he will send it to you. 661 972 9208. please send your name and that you want to see the picture of uriah/edumond/ugly piece of shit/troll. from nightmare vision taking a shit.
-before the show we hung out eating pizza, drinking 40z and smoking weed. with spooky from strike to survive. (check em out)
-then we played awesome set.
- back at the eyeball we called it an early night to get ready for new years eve.

december 31 2008

- we woke up quick right about noon thought to our self that we had to be to the house right behind the eye ball for a show later that day.
- after we woke up we went to grab a burrito on lunch box with the money that was supposed to be for the keggers for the new years party.
- bernie and Elliott got matching gay tattoos
- lunch box and timmy tagged up the van dubbing the the hell van.
- joe lit a "hella" bunch of fire crackers on one of the guys from strike to survive, and burnt a hole in his swetter that his grandma knitted for him.
- elliott tryed to spook sooky by putting a bag of shit in his car. but no one spooks the spookster and he found that shit by sence of tast and tast alone (everyone knows ghost cant smell)
- went to barns and noble and jacked books.
- tye bought every one some grub at carls jr
- we started setting up for our show and noticed the place had two kegs itching to be tapped. and who better to tap that then the shit load of people at the eyeball. before the resedent of the house knew it there was a long ass line from the keg all the way to the eyeball.
- the guy that put on the show hired fire jugglers to welcome the people to see the show.
- the show was in the guys basement. once down there shit started getting fucked up. every one with beers in hand baptized us by splashing all of that free beer on our hott young bods. shit was pulled off walls, we broke the mic cord during the first song along with every rule in the book. some guy cryed to bernie to tell every one no moshing please!
- we played our set and did not disappoint.
- after our set we fled the scene.
- lunch box lit a fire work 2 feet in diameter on top of the hell van
- at 12 o clock tim and kyle kissed ever so gently to comoerate the new year.

january 1 2009

- dancing and partying ensued. tye danced like a retard on ice and told girls that he wasnt straight edge so he could score. no scoring was had.
- some guy broke a window at the eye ball and nearly cut his finger off.20 minutes late kyle jumping from couch to couch kyle fell and grabbed onto the broken window to keep his drunk ass from falling down.
- while in the bath room dressing his wonds. bernie stood in the hall way watching kyle bleed to death while watching the kid that punched the window get his finger sowed back together by his older brother.
- in the bathroom some fat bitch, who is a classy lady full time and a nurse part time, was telling kyle that he needed to get stitches for his finger. kyle told her she had big tits.
- the classy lady took it upon her self to walk kyle to a hospital that was three miles from that party. on the way there she asked kyle to hold her purse and he tryed to throw it in a river, she stopped at a club to get her dance on while kyle stood out side bleeding to death, did her taxes, and stopped at the gold nugget to get an awefull-awefull ( because its awefully big and awefully good. just like the classy ladys).
-Mean while bernie, justin, elliott and tye were driving around reno trying to find these two love birds. We were searching the most obvious public hospital three blocks to the left of the eye ball. At the hospital we went to we suckered the nurse into giving us two free blankets with our charm (duh) . We finally found out what hospital the Classy Lady worked at and fallowed her sent to kyles back door.
-Bernie and Justin rushed into the hospital while elliott and tye decided to lay in the van and take a nap and not give a rats ass about whats going on with klyes bleeding to death nonsence.
After they rushed in to kyles rescue, they found out that klye was in the classiest of hands with the top dog of the classy ladys and in between us asking about all that happen and the fat classy lady talking about her raping of klye, klye was yelling at the doctors drunkely about how vulubous F.C.L's tits were (lets not forget kyle was blacked out drunk and didnt take the time to look down and see that her belly was four times as vulubous as both them ta ta's and she sure as hell wasnt pregnet).
-Bernie gave F.C.L. a ride to the club to pick up her keys so she can drive her dunken ass to who the fuck cares.
-bernie went back to the hospital to attend to klye and justin who were both more drunk than your mama. The Doctors hated them and the nurses hated them just the same. Klye" just fucking give me all the drugs you got, i want to get my moneys worth, make it worth my while baby "
Nurse" IM not giving you any drugs, you boys are drunk and need to keep quite"
Justin " giggle giggle (head banging the whole time of course)"
Kyle "Im so fucking drunk right now, I want morphine, inject that shit in me!"
Justin " man kyle you need to keep your voice down (justin then turns out the door and sees a nurse walk by and pauses in mid sentence) OH MAN tell me you wouldnt fuck her!"
bernie was falling asleep in his chair during this whole conversation.
Soon after the doctor walks in to stitch up klyes dead skin back to his thumb
Klye says " Yo what the fucks up doc you gonna take care of me"
Doctor " you need to watch your mouth this is a cathlic hospital"
Justin giggles and says " oh yeah, (turns head in the hallway again to see another nurse pass)
You know i would fuck her so fast"
bernie wakes up laughing to justins taste in booty
Kyle " are you gonna fuckin inject some fucking shit in my thumb first maybe some morphine
some kind of drugs or some shit"
doctor "well i can either use this small needle or if you want to keep being a ass I can use the bigger needle"
klyes eyes widden and said " thats cool dude what ever your into"
the doctor gave up trying to calm kyle down and asked us three " which one of you is the soberest" while he was stitching up the finger ( 4 stiches by the way, i get more stitches than that for breakfast)
bernie " i am"
doctor " you need to make sure the dead skin stays on for.."
klye interuped him " this shit is awsome i can't even feel my fucking finger, but all jokes aside can you give me a perscribtion for some viciden or some shit, I mean im paying you shit heads for this so i want to get my moneys worth"
justin " man kyle your the biggest asshole in the hospital right now and you sound like such a fucking druggie" just then the first nurse walks past again and justin looked over at bernie and smiled while knoding his head
The doctor couldnt take much more of this manly shit and had to quickly walk out of the room in his gay ass croc shoes.
15 minutes later a young virgin eared nurse walks in bandage kyles finger up. Klye quickly lets her know about how big the classy ladys tits were and that the nurses tits were a pretty good size but not compared to the classy lady.
she quickly wrapped his finger up, let us know not to leave till we signed all the paper work, and ran out the room.
Justin " man they are taking forever but i really would fuck thoughs nurses you know bernie, you know what im talking about"
Klye " fuck this im not sitting around waiting to be billed, i gave them false information, Lets get the fuck out of this bitch"
Bernie " k you go out that side door and we will walk out the main door"
Justin "fuck yeah!"
Soon as we slipped out the hospital we hopped in the "hell van" and headed back to the party
-5 a.m. ish we arrived back at the eyeball to hear about how classy them classy bitches really are.
They beat some random slut, stomping her face into the floor and stealing her purse which was holding 2 bills. (thats how it goes down when you talk shit to the classiest of the classy ladies)
Before bernie could take the time to laugh, three monstar looking bros walk into the room holding a log, hand cuffs and bernie will soon find out a gun.
The bro with the gun walks up to bernie and says "sit down fool"
bernie " why"
fag bro " cause i got this 45 " and lifted his shirt to flash bernie his piece stuck in his pants
bernie "i just got here i dont even know whats going on"
fag bro "just sit down and shut up"
bernie " why"
while this playful chatter was going on
the party animals at the eye ball ( the guy that had his finger sewed up leading the greasers)
walk in the front door with bolders in there hands
kyle walked up to the bolder boys and slapped the rock out of his hand then turned around and grabbed the log from the guys hand "hey man (giggle giggle) you dont need that stick"
fag bro "yo what are you doing dawg"
bernie grabbed kyle and told him to calm down
bernie "dont mind him he is on drugs we just got back from the hospital"
fag bro " I dont care what you did you two better sit down" while he put his hand on his gun
Threw the crowd the girl that got her face kicked in pushed her way through the fag bros screaming " I want my fucking money you fat bitch"
The classy fat bitch " come and get it you little bitch"
them two beautiful bitches started fighting once again
im pretty sure a titty popped out of one of there shirts ( but if you want to get wild about it all, the titties in the room popped out of the shirts and if you want to get super wild about it, all the titties popped out of the shirts glisening in the moons light and all the penises in the room quickly transformed into bonners and tore through all the jeans, slacks, cargo pants, camo cargo pants, dungeries, and crochless shorts in the room)
Soon after everyone put there bonners away and the ladys put there breast back in there bras they seperated the two slut bitches and started talking like kind modern gentlemen. fag bros put there logs down and greaser punks put there rocks down.
Just when all peace was made Cro mags words rang in the head of a man named josh "world peace, it cant be done" He came running into the living room with a broom stick yelling
"EVERYONE GET THE F UCK OUT OF MY HOUSE GET THE FUCK OUT NOW"
swinging his broom stick around
The fag bro with the gun huged justin and whispered into his ear "yo bro i got this 45 in my pants"flashed that gun to justin like a slut trying to earn them beads in new orleans
Josh pushed the fag bros into the kitchen and the greasers ran after into the kitchen where the fight to bring in the new years took place, bernie and kyle went running into the kitchen just to be handed joshes body, they dragged josh into a room with blood covering his face ,Joe Threw a 40 into the action straight at one of the fag bros head. Soon after bernie let joe know they had a 45 and joe said "lets get the fuck out of here" Everyone split straight to the van and drove to gina town to call it a day at 6 a.m.
- Later on that day "the first of the month"



It is now 3:13am in the morning, bernie and tony are tired but will continue this adventure after they catch some zs. stay tuned.